Thursday, March 12, 2009

fairytale

Someday, I will wake up finding myself smiling…thinking that I’ve gone over a tremendous experience… Loving, hurting, letting go and finally moving on. Few days before, I was a blank sheet of paper..like this one before I wrote this message…and all of a sudden..things had been poured out on me..like this message filling this page up…with or without sense to you..but this means a lot to me.

I met my Prince in October, here in the Philippines. We had been together since then until now, actually. He left because his castle is built somewhere else and he can’t build a castle here in the Philippines since this country is too small for castles. I thought he would never write back. I was a Princess waiting in vain for my Prince’s return. I received letters everyday, about almost 200 letters since he left which I can’t throw away til this moment because it is full of memories-assurance, love, strength, hope. Those were letters that make me hold on, despite the fact that I now know, my Prince already had a Princess in his homeland, before he even visited my Kingdom. When I learned about it, my world was shattered. I wanted to die..but if I do, will I ever know how this will end? I am not a fan of tragic endings like Romeo and Juliet had. But I do believe in happy endings. I wish I can write this story, the way I wanted to. Write the most beautiful ending that no one had ever thought of having. I wanted a story where I would end up with a smile until the last of my days. A scene where I’d grow old and gray with my Prince and have healthy Princes and Princesses. But of course, that’s something that would forever be part of my imagination because right now, I am in tears. Thinking about what could have been if I met him first. What could have been if I am living in his world. What could have been if we never met. All these things are in my mind right now. All I wanted to do was have a break, get out and move on. Travel if I may. Meet people if I could. Learn, learn and learn. I wanted to know things, things that would never leave me til my last of days. Things that would divert my attention so I can’t just think of how happy they would be while I haven’t moved on yet. It was something that might make me numb but who would care anyway. I can’t just end it with me being the loser. I have to live. I have to live for the people around me. My parents, my siblings, friends..I am no Little Mermaid, who would kill herself in the sea because her Prince got married. I wanted to be happy as well, same thing that he will be, probably after he has accepted the fact that if we’re meant to be, it will happen. It wouldn’t hurt to try to part ways, like how it happened in “ The Notebook” or “Memoirs of a Geisha” or “ Benjamin Buttons” or “ Serendipity”. But you know what, deep inside, I am not expecting an “Us” again in the end. Maybe, my own Prince instead. The right one for me. The one who would give me the happiest ending…

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