Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Honey is Moving

OK. Anj. Relax. He might be moving to another workplace but it doesn't mean you two are breaking up. Plus you can't hold the person back. In the first place, you are his girlfriend. Of all people, you should be the most supportive to him. Other than that, grow up. You can't just be with him the whole time. He is going there because of you. You are responsible why he is moving away. Not that you are bad but both of you wanted a good family life and to get that, both of you should be working hard. He promised to keep in touch. He promised to be see you on weekends and he promised to be loyal to you. Believe him. You love him right?

This is sad. Can't take away the feeling of deep sadness. Life can't just be so damn easy to just live and be happy. Let's admit it. There are certain factors that affect people's decisions. Not just happiness with the decision but also satisfaction, money, ambition and everything that's got a long-term effect. I just remember that November is the goodbye month for me. Last year, the person that I'm with went back to the states November 7 with a promise to keep in touch which he did everyday. He missed me that time... We continued with the never ending conversations and how we missed each other but I just woke up one day finding that he was engaged way before there was an "us" and that he is getting married to someone else. I cried so hard after learning. Simply because since November, I had been so down. No sleep. No eat. No nothing. I was just waiting. Working hard so I can go to the states to be with him. But it all ended to nothing. I was down for a few months til I attended the Spanish Class and met Mark...

Mark and I had been together since May 9, 2009. A very memorable date for me because that's when I realized my life doesn't end where my heartaches begin. That there's something better in store for me. I didn't pray for something perfect in return when I lost the man I loved. But I got something that's just perfect for me. I am learning things in such a way that I am not pressured, I become matured with things that happen and all. I forgive and forget. I say thank you for so many times and I say I love you as much as I want without fearing that I am committing myself to someone. I learned to let go of the thought that I never want to be attached again. i learned to let go of the thought that it's ok if I don't see you or you don't see me.Most importantly, I learned to adjust to things flawlessly. Facts that I learned which are sometimes hard to accept. Past of the person which is scary to know that after all, he hasn't changed from what he used to be. But nevertheless, I am giving it a try hoping that I learned from my past and most likely, he did.

Now, the person that helped me move on with life is moving to a different place. No more lunches together everyday. No more emails every hour. No more online mornings together or breakfast. No more waiting outside the building. Just little things that we enjoyed together.It's sad, not because we are breaking up or I don't trust the MAN I'm with but it's just sad not to see him everyday. As much as I want to say that it's ok, well, it definitely is, but I feel that it's gonna feel a lot different not seeing him every now and then. We will get to see each other during weekends only plus the fact that our shift might not match because we would be working for different companies.

It will be hard. Another challenge in my life. He is moving away too. And even if it's just within the Philippines, It's gonna be hard...because I am not used to it anymore. Honestly, I am crying as I type this blog because I feel deeply sad and I am praying that this works. I can't take another heartbreak in November and another sad December--alone.

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