Haaaayyyyy..... I dunno but I'm feeling kinda strange lately. Yesterday was our monthsary. We had a fight..no, I just argued with him because we won't be seeing each other. Frankly speaking, I wasn't possessive after all but that's the reaction you get when you know it's a special day for me and whether or not we are celebrating what matters is that I see you and you see me. Kinda demanding, eh? Well, call me demanding, I won't care. I felt bad yesterday, like I swear. I even asked him not to see me for a week. I told him that what makes a relationship complicated are demands and I want to stop demanding because I hate complications. Well... yes. I do hate complications. That might be immature but that's the safest way for you not to get hurt.
We were talking about the future, over and over... But the proposal hasn't really taken place yet although we call each other " informally" engaged. Just bimped into that conversation today and he said he wasn't ready yet. I was in the panic mode again when he said that. First thing that came to my mind is that " After reaching the age of 29 and being single, up to now...YOU AREN'T READY YET????? " OK, well... I didn't say that to him of course. He might be offended or something, moreover..he might think I am pressuring him--Men, generally, doesn't like being pressured by women when it comes to marriage. But that struck me because few days ago, mom and I were discussing about it and she told me that the man I'm with is not the marrying type. He's 29 for God's sake!!! And mom doesn't see him as the marrying type. I almost freaked out when she said that. I think long term, we're on our 6th month and someone told me I'm with a man who's not the marrying type. Oh dear! I mean, I don't need a boyfriend for my entire life. I want a family of my own, a husband and kids... my own house... a great life with a great partner. I wanna be married and change my last name. When he said he wasn't ready yet, I was like " Oh yeah, right. You're not ready while I am-- I know it's gonna be hard but I AM READY...and damn! You're not." I just gave him a "hehe" in my text message and then after that I told him I don't want to get married..sudden change of plans. But seriously, I was almost teary-eyed. Maybe... just maybe... Mom was right.
I am not in a hurry to get married, but I ain't wasting my time either staying long without knowing if we're going somewhere or not. Can't stay like this and just wait. I'm setting my time frame and it begins now. If this doesn't work, I'm out. :-(
** listening to Rihanna's Take a Bow...