Today, I woke up finding myself thinking again. Not so unusual for me since I always wonder about things. But one thing that I am thinking about now is the distance that I'm feeling from him. I don't know... I might just be imagining things or I may not. Nothing's for sure. All I know is I can't understand what's going on and no website or book can explain it to me. I am praying for a sign on what I should do. This is yet, another challenge I should face and overcome.
Looking back on the relationship, we've always been good and strong for each other. I know we wanted to give our best and make it work. We want to make each other happy. That was during the first year. But challenges came after that. We had to struggle on a lot of things. Our differences, our opinions, family, needs and wants.. all of those suddenly rose to the surface and we can't seem to organize things. We're trying, really. I can see that. Maybe, just maybe, I'm more vocal than him and I tell him what I want to happen and he doesn't which makes me feel that I'm the only one working on it.
I asked him last night if we can plan a vacation to try to get to know each other again because I feel that we've been very busy about work and all we talk about is work or if not, the office or our officemates which makes no sense at all because we don't talk about us and when I start to ask him, he doesn't answer or he's not straight forward and acts as if I was joking. I don't want to wake up one morning and realize that the man I'm with is already a stranger to me and I really feel I need to do something to have time for us away from work or the city. But then, he said not so soon which made me think if I'm the only one seeing what's going on or what has changed. Am I too sensitive? Or am I just scared?
It's so hard to tell. I'm new at this. If only I have a way to know what's been running in his mind or if there's a way that we can both get the assurance that we're ok. I don't know. I might be telling the same story as what I have written about 2 years ago...