Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Courage

Last night, I was pretending to be so ok.. the very first day of not talking to him. No more text messages, no more phone calls. Mark-free. I was exhausted and lonely. I got home 7:30PM not feeling hungry, not feeling anything. When I faced the dinner table and my siblings and Mom started talking to me... I just broke down and cried. I wasn't ok. And so after weeks of hiding the emotions, I finally decided to let it all out. We broke up because he doesn't have future plans. He doesn't see himself having a lifetime committment with me. He doesn't see himself getting married with anybody.

I was crying because I felt alone. Even if other guys are texting me, it felt different. Even if guys are checking if I got home safely, it is still different. Or so I thought...

Mom told me I should be happy. I'm free. It feels good to be single rather than be stuck in a relationship that's full of problems and that I keep on getting hurt over and over but he doesn't change or make any adjustments to make me happy. I should think about what he did to me that hurt me so much instead of reminiscing the good times that faded away in time. Love is destined to grow for better not for worse... Unfortunately, ours grew for worse... We lost everything we ever had...

We lost the great things as we each progress with our social lives and career. We valued different things: Mark, his independence. Me, my emotions.

Life is too short to waste on wrong things. I am up for the search again... I'm waiting for God's sign.

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