Sunday, May 8, 2011

Cold Summer Night

Saw him again today. I was happy and sad at the same time. He looked at me and noticed it- I'm sure, because he asked me what was wrong.

Today is May 8, 2011. It was supposed to be a day before our 2nd year anniversary. But here I am, creating this blog post. Imagining what could have been if we were together still.

Since the day we broke up ( which unfortunately, I forgot when ), I have been crying myself to sleep. Nobody knows how many times I wanted not to wake up anymore so I won't feel the pain. And every morning when I wake up, I'm still the same girl who expects his text message once I open my eyes.

This is a tough journey. Much painful than my first ever break-up with a guy who's less smarter than I am. Much heartbreaking than my wedding that never came to be. I don't easily fall inlove and those two that I mentioned were the most painful experiences I had because in those relationships, I knew the love I felt was real. This third heartbreak so far didn't just leave me torn and broken. I am crushed. For one, because I fought for it. Second, this was my longest relationship. Third, I am of age now and I'm at the point when I want to have a future that every woman has dreamed about. A family, happy work life, real friends...

Loneliness had been my companion everyday. Memories that keep playing in my mind are like music that keeps on playing even if I don't want to.

I just want something simple. I just want to be happy. Why is it so hard to get that happiness? I deserve it right? I've been a good girl. Why won't I get that happiness now?

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