Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Ok

When I hear his name or see his picture, the pain and love comes back at once. It might sound stupid but as I said in my facebook status, it's hard to remove someone from your system specially if you spent all your life wonering how it feels like to be with that someone. And yes, I know for a fact that deep inside me, I haven't totally moved on yet.

Moving on does take time and this time, I think it's gonna be longer maybe until "The Right One" comes along. Right now, I am feeling like I don't want to be with anybody for now. And I don't want anybody near me as I might hurt them unintentionally.

I really don't know. When I lost "Hot Buddy" I thought that was the most painful thing I can ever imagine. He was such a gentle guy, romantic, sweet...I thought I lost a good catch simply because I didn't arrive earlier... He was engaged and I found out just months before his wedding. After around 2 months, I was ok. But now, I don't think I will be ok even after 3 months. I wanted to buy Amnesia pills if there's any so I can just simply forget. The pain is too much that I can't imagine spending more days like this. It's like all my hopes of a future with him faded in the dark and I gotta continue walking without any light or any sign on where it ends. And it's unfair because all I ever asked in this life was a family of my own by the time I reach the age of 25. I have always prayed for a man who would love me through thick and thin, who would accept me at my worst and be happy for me at my best. A guy who unerstands that women ask, expect and assume just because we are human. We have emotions and that's what we are created for. I never asked for a guy that's handsome or rich. Money can't buy happiness and good looks fade. But everytime I meet someone an fall, that person ens up being the wrong one in one way or another.

Is there someone out there who matches my description of my ideal guy? The answer to my prayers? If you are that person, please... Save me! I am so sad at the moment and if you find me, although we might have a rough start but we're gonna make it because I am a fighter and I prayed for one, too. Someone who would fight for me no matter what.

It's also not easy to be 23 and still without a long-lasting, stable relationship. I don't know but I sometimes wonder if this is just partof God's plan or I'm just being blind and I'm not seeing what I should do.

I am praying for strength to make it through. This is just one phase, one chapter of my beautiful story. How it ends is something I haven't figure out yet. I will continue writing. Once the Right One comes, I will tell everyone about it just as I've told you about what I'm going through now.

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