Friday, May 10, 2013

Everything

I never thought that I would feel this way. Not feeling so much but feeling it all.

I am, once again, stuck in a situation. Being with someone who is divorced/separated is something new to me. First of all, I am very much single. Never been married. Never had a kid. Initially, when some friends heard about this, the initial reaction was " You can do better than that ". But being the usual, open-minded person that I am, I just understand that some people cannot stay married. Not because that's how it is but because they are humans who feel and are always in constant search for happiness. I'm one of them, although not married, no kids, but I am in search of happiness and I will never stay in an unhappy marriage or relationship just because I know I don't deserve to.

So, this man... Simply amazing that I am not getting too emotional about the situation like when he wants to see his son or his ex wife on Facebook now... It's like I totally understand. It's like I know how his kid feels or how his kid will react in case he meets me. Or how his ex will react to my existence. And I am not planning to be friends with her or anything like that which will just be unreal. But nevertheless, I find it weird that I look forward to having a coffee with her and talking about life before and after the man. And no, not really friends but I am looking forward to an unawkward situaiton when she brings her son to see the man. And that thought of the son also not feeling awkward that I am around. What is this? And I've been typing all these here. I might be judged for this. For being unholy in a sense that I want to be with this man. But then, I don't really care so much. Again, I want to be happy. I deserve to. And I did not break a marriage. They were separated before I came in the picture, at least that is what I know.

Should I investigate? Should I ask around? No. I do not think so. Just because I have faith. Not with him or me or us. I have faith that God is putting me in a situation which will lead me to my destiny. The path he wanted me to take. Whatever my decisions in life are, what's meant for me will always happen. All I can do is pray and pray that even if I get hurt, I will remain strong. That even if I fail, I will get back up and try again. Love again.

And this blogpost, I put the title EVERYTHING because while I am writing this, I am listening to Michael Buble's song with the same title and it runs in my head as well, that this is everything I am. Unconventional. Real. And I will write about this and still stand proud. It's not a perfect situation. But yes, happiness--to me is EVERYTHING.

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