Thursday, December 30, 2010

Happy New Year

Year 2010 is over. 2011 is just a day away. Let's check my Chinese Zodiac prediction:

For those with dragon as their Chinese zodiac animal sign in 2011, the dragon can expect a rather good metal rabbit year. The fortunes of the dragons in rabbit year 2011 will be better compared to 2010. The dragons will have better wealth luck, better health and better career star in their path. The 2011 Chinese astrology predictions for dragon indicate that the dragon person will have a good luck level which will wash away all the unlucky fortunes that has been following the dragons.

The horoscope 2011 Year of the Rabbit predictions for the dragon forecasts that while there may be inauspicious stars in the life chart of the dragon in 2011, dragons will have many lucky stars escorting them in 2011. The positive stars in 2011 will outshine the unlucky stars in the rabbit year for the dragon. Dragons will see things moving more smoothly in 2011 metal rabbit year as the dragon will obtain positive results in the changes they made in this Year of the Rabbit. The dragons will see their fortunes become better and their feng shui in 2011 will also become better. There will be considerable mainstream income but a little less on windfall gains for the dragons in 2011. Even the dragons will have their wealth star shining brightly in 2011, they are advised to be careful when going into new ventures as there will always be unpredictable risk associated with new investment schemes.

The career star in 2011 for the dragons will shine brightly in the Year of the Rabbit. In the Chinese astrology 2011 forecasts for the dragon person, the career of the dragon will see major developments. For dragons hoping to become entrepreneurs in 2011, well, this is the best time to go for it. Doing well at your business will see you gaining more wealth in the rabbit year. There may be promotions at the corner in 2011 for the dragon peron. There are good chances for you to obtain monetary benefits as well as fame in 2011 for the dragon person. Dragons in 2011 can have a good 2011 feng shui by getting to know more people in the rabbit year in order to open new opportunities and expand their business. Dragons must not be arrogant as this action will caused other to despise you and thus making you feeling uneasy.

Dragon in Year of the Rabbit will have good wealth luck but what about the dragon’s health luck in 2011? Dragons will see their health greatly improved in the metal rabbit year but they have to watch their diet and hygiene factor closely. In order for the dragon person to stay fit in the rabbit year, they must eat more healthy food and exercise on a more regular basis. To stay safe in 2011, the 2011 dragon horoscope predicts that the dragon may face some danger in water sports. In the relationship area for the dragons in the rabbit year, couples will likely have a good time together. The dragon in metal rabbit year must get rid of their poker face in 2011 and be more frank with your facial expression. A gentle smile will allow the dragons to have a better romance with their partners. The compatible animal sign in 2011 for the dragons include the rat, monkey and rooster.

What can the dragon do in 2011 do to get rid of bad luck in the Year of the Rabbit? What are the ways can the dragon carry out to attract more wealth in 2011 and have a better 2011 feng shui? The 2011 horoscope readings in rabbit year suggest that the dragon should put lucky amulets that belong to the dragon and rooster zodiac animals at the wealth position of the house. The dragon should also place a wealth beckoning ingot there too. The main reason for carrying out this feng shui procedure is to harness the wealth luck and thus allow the dragons to accumulate wealth in 2011. If you are still unsure whether you are born with dragon as your Chinese zodiac sign, well, you are a earth dragon if you are born in 1928 while you are a metal dragon if your birth year is 1940. You are a water dragon if you are born in 1952 while you will be a wood dragon if you are born in 1964. If you have 1976 as your birth year, then you will be a fire dragon while you are definitely an earth dragon if you are born in 1988.
-From: http://www.aguidetoasia.com/rss/index.php?itemid=1271


-------------- I'm an earth dragon. :-) I can feel the good vibes!!!

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas!!!




MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!! :-D

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Christmas is soooo Near!!!

I already did a partial shopping of clothes and gifts. I am so excited for CHristmas because I don't have work.. for the first time after more than 3 years, finally, I have the holidays for relaxation. I am trying my best to budget my money and make sure I still get to save some for sudden needs. I am very thankful that I have a job this year and that I have the means to buy gifts. Other than that, I am thankful for all the blessings that came my way... This Christmas is one of the most memorable Christmas' that I'll ever have in my life.


Thank You Lord.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Saturday Blues

I'm here at work today. Not to work but to rehearse for a performance this coming December 22nd. It's been more than a year since I participated in some dancing stuff. Gosh.. this is going to stretch my limbs, joints, etc.



Pray For Me.


=)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Canon S90

Just received an advanced Christmas gift from Honey!!! hahaha.. Yesterday, he handed me a really gorgeous Canon S90 camera. Actually, as I have mentioned in my previous post here, a camera is part of my Christmas Wishlist so I can enhance my blogging experience. So, now... it's totally a DREAM COME TRUE for me!!!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Harry Potter

I watched Harry Potter last Sunday at the Ultra Cinema 1 of Resorts World Newport Cinemas. First of all, the movie was great!!! Although it was super bitin like it made me want to see the Part 2 right away!!! hahaha. Secondly, the cinema where we watched it was super cool. We had unlimited popcorn and drinks plus we are seated on lazy boy chairs!!! :-) Can't wait to post the pics!!!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Nail Art

Nail Art is something that caught my attention ever since it came out. I was so amazed how a simple nail polish can make such difference in one's hand and how art in nail polishes can change what's usual. For the first time, I had the chance to experience it from an officemate who does it for herself. And that caused me to buy a Nail Art Pen from Etude House and try doing it at home. Here are some pictures:



These were made by Phia





These were made at home by my sister Gladys



You can visit Etude house for really cool nail polish and snail art pens!!!

Saturday, November 6, 2010

My New Pic




Makeup by: Ralph de la Cruz
Photography by: Mark Christopher
Model: Anj

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Happy Birthday

Dad,

Happy Birthday! I didn't forget your birthday of course. I just tried to slip it off my mind because it makes me sad thinking you could've been 62 now. I'm so sorry but that was really hard to do. Not remembering your birthday and not thinking about the what if's in case you're still alive and here with us. I'm so happy with the new family that we have now, Dad. But that doesn't erase the fact that I miss you too. I just hope, you're very happy now and I'll see you again someday.




Love Lots,
Riza

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Toney and Jackey Experience

Been to Tony and Jackey last Saturday to have my hair rebonded. That was one tough decision on my part since I don't like my hair being touched and also I easily get bored so long hours in a Salon would definitely kill me. But I was so stressed out last week that I had to do something about the way I look for reasons like 1. So I won't hate myself for the way I look now. and 2. So others would not think of me as just a nobody. Let's face it, LOOKS DOES MATTER these days. So, here are pics of my Tony and Jackey experience.







Thanks to the powerful Filipino Stylist, Daisy. She changed my life. :-) hahahaha :-)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Christmas Wishlist

CHristmas is soooooo near. I can smell it in the air. Right now, I just want to take sometime thinking about my very own wishlist.Hmmm.. something to look forward to on Christmas. :-)


1. High-tech point and shoot cam- one that I can use for my blog. I love going to places and eating food and blogigng about those of course. To help enhance the blogging experience, I super need a reliable and handy cam. Saving memories is a MUST for me.

2. My very own Notebook/laptop. I want my own Notebook, a pink one, which I can use for internet surfing anytime.


3. A new cellphone. I want a new 3g phone with wi-fi. I so love the fact that I can stay connected anytime, anywhere( well, anywhere with wi-fi access of course. )


4. A comfy pillow. I always want a new pillow every Christmas. It's because working at an early age, I sooo value lots of rest and sleep. A comfy pillow as a gift would be perfect. ( I want a big one!!! )


5. A hotel accomodation. I need that because for sure, after Christmas, I need a good vacation to start my year 2011. :-)

And So We're Back Together...

Last Friday, we were supposed to break up. I was crying and I agreed to the break up. But then he said he wanted to try it one more time. He wanted to make things work out. I agreed to what he was asking for and gave it a second shot. I don't know. Let's just hope things work out well.....

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Good Morning!

It's already Friday. I thought my day would all messed up. But hey, I got to speak to Him and he told me why he needed the space. Plus the fact that someone from the other office actually spoke to me. He seems like a British guy. Oh well, he just asked if I'm new here becasue my face is new. hahahaha... Cool. I don't know, is the powerful aura back?? hahahaha... Can't help but think about it. If I become single today because of His decision, I'm gonna be fine. :-)


It doesn't end here for me. :-D

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Inspirational

Imagine that relationships are perfect: No fights. No tears. No arguments. No misunderstandings. Dream come true? But without these, there would be no sorry hugs and kisses, no saying of the sweetest words, no reasons to stay, no growth of faith in both of you. Now, how would you want it, perfect?

---sent to me by Rey, a new friend in the office...

I'm Thinking

Really, when it gets to this point already, I just want to play safe and go. But the thing is, we've been through a lot--mostly, good things. I just can't let it go just like that. I don't know but I'm still fighting for it... bahala na magmukhang tanga. I don't care. I just want him back and I want "us" in a better situation. I don't know what I should do...

....... should I just shut up?
........should I let him go?
.........should I move on?
..........should I compile our pictures and give them to him?
...........should I send him sweet notes everyday?
............should I invite him to go to places we've been to so we can reminisce the happy moments?
.............should I still love him?

Lord, help me get through this.

More Confusion

A Man asks for space. OK. When I asked for it, he said we can work things out together. I believed him. But now, I'm telling the same thing to him, he is insisting on this space and really, I feel I'm not needed. :-(

This happened to me before but Bryan and I broke up in the end... Now, I don't know what to think. Should I be expecting something like that to happen again or should I just let this situation pass and trust that the Man loves me?

Men are confusing most of the time. They love you but you just don't see how much because they don't express themselves.. in a way that's readable for you.

After this, if this doesn't work out. I quit. I'm leaving the Philippines, I'm leaving everything here. But deep inside, I am still praying I wouldn't have to go through such pain again.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Boys Are More Confusing Than Girls

OK. We decided to give each other space so we can settle our differences. I went out with some girl friends last night and I was tired. All of a sudden, I felt his concern of my whereabouts. This morning, he sent me a message in FB and tagged me in his shout out... and lastly, he texted me again... SO what should I expect out of this? He is crazy. I don't understand why he's doing things that would hurt him. I just don't see the point. But I'm not arguing about it. I love the guy. And I so miss him...

Once and For All

Once and for all...

I want to totally feel the pain again........

The pain that killed me 3 million times in this lifetime.....

Tha pain that sucks.........................


The pain of letting go....

Here it goes again..... same old story........

Sunday, October 3, 2010

“Is There Something” by Nina

Lately I see clouds of sorrow in your eyes
Some deep sadness you can never quite disguise
Now I’m scared to ask what it’s leading to
But I’m more afraid of not asking you

Is there something that you want to tell me
Is there something that I ought to know
Are we something that’s still worth fighting for
Or should I simply let you go
Is there something I can do to reach you
Are we something more than history
I’ll find some way to convince you to stay
If you just tell me honestly
Is there something left of you and me

You’ve got secrets you’ve been keeping for too long
And I’m going crazy acting like there’s nothing wrong
I can taste the truth every time we kiss
And I can’t go on
At least not like this

I don’t want to lose you
But what’s the use of holding on
I don’t really have you
If the feeling’s gone

Is there something I can do to reach you
Are we something more than history
If there’s no way to convince you to stay
And be the way we used to be
Then there’s something that I want to tell you
And I want you to believe it’s true
We had something that I’ll never forget
Even if I wanted to
‘Cause part of me will always be with you

The Break-Up Story

First time, I think we're gonna end up............. Yeah, I know I just posted about staying in my relationship and keeping it strong but let's just take it this way, RELATIONSHIPS END. No matter how har we try, it just comes to a point that one or the other doesn't want to proceed. It's painful, yes. But we can't take conrtrol of everything. Soon, once it has ended, you can just look back on what you did and what you didn't. It's called self-assessment. You study what flwas the relationship had which you weren't able to see because you are still in the relationship and there's this denial stage when you just don't want to take things that way...

WHO SAYS IT'S EASY TO LET GO? No matter how bad the relationship was, there definitely was a reason why you stayed. There was something that held you back.


WHO SAYS IT HAS TO BE PERFECT? No relationship is perfect. Even Romeo and Juliet's weren't. Even our relationship with God sometimes comes at a rocky point.


WHO WANTS TO BE HAPPY? Everyone does.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Night Out To Remember

This is a late post. Been to Republiq a club in Resorts World Manila. It was our first time there since we( Me and Kath ) often go to Taguig and Makati for gimmick. So anyway, I went there with my sister. Yep, my sister who just graduated this year. Here are the pics!!!











Thursday, September 30, 2010

My Wisest Decisions This 2010

The year is almost ending again and as usual, I look back on how good (or bad) my year was and from there, I change myself which is a good thing because I strive for improvement--yearly. So, here's a list of my wisest decisions this 2010:

1. Applying for a Promotion. One of the biggest move I ever made in my life. I have always been scared of rejections. I do my best at work. Applying for a promotion is one of the biggest move I ever made since it conquered my fear to be rejected at the same time, it made strive harder to be better in my job and prove to myself that I am more than what people has expected of me.

2. Moving Out of my Comfort Zone. I left the industry that I've been part of for 3 years and 7 months. A big move as well. There's no other job that I have known other than being in a Call Center and moving out of that kind of job is one thing that challenged my ability to be flexible. I can do anything. Now, I'm part of a recruitment firm, still learning but nevertheless, I know I can be good at it too.

3. Catching Up with Old Friends/Classmates. I have always been an introvert. I don't go out, I don't like being with more than 1 person and of course, I also feared that people who had known me before would brag about how good their life was while I'm still striving to make it big. But hey, meeting old friends isn't as bad as I thought. I felt more relaxed. More me. The people that I met during elementary and high school are the people that contributed to what I am now. If they gave me pain before, it made me stronger now. If they were able to beat me in class, that made me strive harder in this life. Most of all, the friends that I had ever since are the reason why I don't care if I don't have new friends... because I know, these friends of mine are right behind me all the time.

4. Making New Friends. I'm not the friendly type of person. Not that I bitchy or something but again, I just don't want to be rejected. Now, I've made the decision to at least try. I know I can't please everybody but I can at least be at good terms with them. Thanks to my new friends, Grace, Chee, El, Burg and RC. You're the best guys!!!

5. Saving and Investing for my future. I have always been spending too much on nonsense things. Buying things I don't need and eating at restos which are costly. BIG WASTE OF MONEY! When I resigned, I realized how important it is to have money. That is the main reason why people work. Now, my BIGGEST DECISION is investing in the Stock Market while saving cash in the bank. Yes, I still have my passbook account at BDO plus, I have my Stocks at SM and RCBC(which I'm thinking of letting go soon. I want to invest as early as now so by the time I reach the age of 40, I can have an early retirement.

6. Going out with my Sister. My sister and I goes out to the mall but recently, we did something different. We went to Republiq with my girl friends. It was good. She had fun, so did I. She's about to leave and work for a cruiseline so I'm glad we had that kind of bonding before she leaves. More parties to come for us sis!!!! :-)

7. Patching Things Up with Mom. It wasn't easy to listen because I always wanted to prove myself to my Mom. She is very good at what she's doing, being a Mom and a Woman and that challenges me. I wanted to be better. But then, I realized, NOBODY CAN EQUAL HER. She's the Best Mom ever. I can't say how, all I know is that she just knows what to do with me when I don't know what to do with myself.

8. Keeping My Relationship Strong. I was afraid of commitment. I don't like being tied to someone or something. I want to do a lot of things. But a Big Move would be staying with him... Yes, it has always been hard because I have accepted the fact that it all ends one day. You stop loving. You stop believing. You stop hurting and crying. Then you start searching and being whole again. But now, I have decided to stay, forgive, move on.... a lot of things that I never thought I would learn... No, not in this lifetime. But I'm happy I decided to keep my relationship strong. I can say it's worth it.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

You are such and INSECURE, NO ORIGINALITY GIRL!!!

OK. I've had enough. Come on. Stop acting like you don't know. Stop taking pictures the way I do. Stop doing things that I do. Have a life of your own. Please. I'm not supposed to be bothered but I feel that you're doing it on purpose. Whatever your purpose is, I don't care. JUST STOP.


I am so pissed today after finding out that she really tries hard to do things that I do. Man, that sure is B.S. She is challenging me. She wants to show me she can do better ALWAYS. What's the point of stepping at someone who's already on the ground??? I hope it makes her happy that finally, she pisses me off by doing those things. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................ Lord, give me patience and wisdom to understand why this is happening.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

New Office

I'm so bored right now so I decided to think about things happening in my life. The things that happened to me are mostly out of my control but hey, I don't blame myself for anything nor do I blame other people. I'm just happy right now that all those things happened which made me realize where God wants me to be.

After the Call Center job, I wasn't sure of what I wanted in life. I want this and that but really, I just want a fulfilling career. I want to find a job that fits who I am... something that would continue to capture my interest no matter what. I hate being limited to a specific task because I think, limits should not be set for employees so everyone gets to know more of what he or she is capable of. I applied at different jobs and spent a month being jobless and lost.

Now, I'm in the new office. Working at my desk. I'm with Optia Partners International. It was a surprise as this company's industry is basically for Recruitment and Staffing which was my main target ever since and that goal led me to taking up Management ( I wanted Psychology but it wasn't possible for home study programs so I took the next closest course ). I did not understand what I was appying for, really. But I told the interviewers which are now my bosses here that I am willing to do any job. They gave me a shot. Not that I am confident that I can but because I want a new line of job and I was directed to this company for a reason that only God knows.

Now, I'm here already for a month and I can say that while adjustments are being made on my end, I feel that I am happy with this job. I have a feeling that I am going to last years here even if it takes harsh words or difficulties in the job, I'm not giving up. I want this. I need this. I've already made good friends with most of my new officemates, I've got a good schedule and the pay is also good for a day job. This is way more than I have expected. I am thankful that God helped me find this. Whatever His reasons are, I thank Him for this opportunity.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Plans!Plans!Plans!

OK. This is my blog and I just wish that nobdy's gonna f*** up with what I will be posting. Reasong being is that if I say this plan to someone, that someone might think that I am just one hella young girl making plans without a single thought on how I would do it. So, here it goes...

I have a plan. A very big plan. Not just a plan for myself but a plan for OUR lives ( me and my family and my future husband and kids ). First, I want to have Php 50,000 in my bank account. As soon as that happens, I will franchise a siomai house and place it in Fast Bites near the Call Centers. Then, I will buy stocks and just let my money grow. I will save and save and save money!!!!!


Haaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.................. just so you know, I AM MRE THAN JUST DETERMINED TO DO IT. MAKE IT HAPPEN.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

What a Surprise

I dropped by Honey's place last night after work. We were cuddling and chatting and then suddenly, he told me that he's gonna show me something that I might be surprised to see ( I asked him if I would be annoyed of what I'll be seeing before I allowed hum to show it to me ). And so he showed me a message in Facebook from his ex, Nikki. She was apologizing for what she did and was offering her friendship. I replied:

"I read the message you sent to Mark. To be honest with you, I wasn't surprised. I felt the same way few months back, I wanted to text you and at least clear things up. I wasn't a rude or bitchy girl for real, like the one you have encountered last year. I just don't like the way you spoke to Mark and the way you were making things work out for you regardless of other people around him being affected. I'm also sorry for acting that way. Now as for you and Mark, I can't say that both of you can already be friends just like before but at least I can say that Mark and I have already moved on with our lives and totally forgot what happened between the three of us. We are already very happy with what we have and we hope that you are experiencing the same happiness with Jon. We( I mean Mark or I ) can't offer the same friendship that you are offering but let me just say that we are not keeping any grudges towards you as well. Let's all just move on with our lives and just let things happen as they are planned by God. Who knows, there might be a good chance in the future to have that "friendship" so let's just allow God to help us find our way towards that."

She replied this morning:

Thanks Anj, apology accepted. It would also be nice, though, to hear from Mark as well. As for the friendship thing, no worries...i totally respect your wishes. As long as there are no ill feelings towards anybody, then all is good. That is, after all, what we truly hope to attain from this.Yes, indeed I am very happy with Jon as well. With our marriage and baby soon to come, there's nothing else more we could hope for.ü

With that said, may we all move forward hereon and live our blessed lives with the peace this has granted everyone. God bless.

cc: Mark Medina


Oh well, I'm not mad at her I was just annoyed of her attitude which is utterly different. Anyway, and so... as she said, she's having a baby. Fine. For the baby, I'm willing to forget how annoying she is. Promise. No hard feelings. Anyway, I'm happy right now with Mark and that's gonna be nothing compared to all the love and blessings that I've been getting. It was a surprise, really. A good surprise that finally, someone realized how she had wronged other people and had the courage to even apologize. I just hope that she learned a lot from the experience.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Just A Realization

I'm already 22. Not too young, not too old. I'm employed at a good company and fianlly in the field that I wished to be at. No more calls and less stress in a sense that I am loving my new job. I'm at a job that is challenging but fun. New co-workers make me feel good everyday, regardless of the situation. But one thing that I am realizing now is that life is short and that I might or might not wake up tomorrow and I haven't done anything meaningful in my life that would leave a mark on earth after I go... I haven't confirmed it yet but I feel so unhealthy. I'm scared that I might be diabetic like my dad... I'm scared of the recurring illness that I've been having within 1 year and 3 months. I'm so scared to lose my life this early, no, not yet please... I still have a lot of things to do. I have a list of things that I wanna do before my life is taken away and I need more years to complete those...

1.I want to go to Japan, Egypt and India.
2. I want to have my own house.
3. I want to have my own business.
4. I want to have a bank account with at least 1M in it so I can leave something for my family.
5.I want to be married in a church.
6. I want to have a baby.
7. I want to take mom abroad for a tour.
8. I want to change someone's life.
9.I want to be accepted and forgiven.
10. I want just have one day in my life without anything just so I can appreciate everything that I have...

Hayden Panettiere - Wake Up Call - Official Music Video





-- Hope HE got the message.....

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Friday

Yippie!!! It's already Friday!!! I'm so excited because by tomorrow, we might be dropping by SMX to check on the Kapamilya Go Negosyo and find out what's latest in business. To be honest, I do want to have my own business soon, like a food cart of my own. I can see that it's the type of business which doesn't require much of my time and effort as upon franchising a food cart, most would already be supplying training, people and location for those who will be getting the franchise. Plus, I saw on tv how that kind of business is booming right now due to the fact that Filipinos love to eat and that Filipinos love going to malls where food carts are. :-)

I want to try to be a Manager of my own business. I am so inspired to make it big, MY WAY. :-)

Long Distance - Bruno Mars

Raquel Castro Ft. Eranetik- "Nothing On You Remix" (OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO...

Raquel Castro Ft. Eranetik- "Nothing On You Remix" (OFFICIAL MUSIC VIDEO...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Newbie

Just started with my new work last Monday. I am missing my Wachovia Family but I can't deny the fact that I am enjoying so much in my new job. :-) Dream come true. Finally, an experience in the field that I've always wanted plus it's a day job with Saturday-Sunday off so it's really better.

I'm missing the bum life but nevertheless, I am loving the fact that I am now employed and that I have things to do other than give my mom a HEADACHE. :-)

I just pray that everything goes well with this new job. :-)

Wish me luck!!!! :-)

Saturday, July 10, 2010

7 Things That Will Make Me Happy

1. Vanilla Ice Cream in a large cone. When i feel bad, I just feel like eating ice cream for the reason that it relaxes me and makes me feel cooler.

2. Textmate. I badly need an unknown textmate. Someone who hasn't seen me or met ,me before so he/she won't judge me for my actions.

3. A Strong Person. Someone who can handle the twists and turns of my attitude. The emotions and mood swings. I just need the right kind of understanding.

4. A cup of coffee with a long time friend. I just want to talk about my life. Be my diary at the same time react, feel free to speak and relate.

5. An effective sleeping pills. i want to sleep for 24 hours as if I'm dead. Juts get away with all the problems and the people who can't seem to hear me when I speak. It's hard to explain yourself every now and then. It's hard to prove results when you haven't even started yet.

6. A plate and a vacant lot with a big wall. I wanna break plates and scream and shout. I am in so much pain. I want to break free.

7. I want people who would love me at worst and after this, i will give them my best. Just stay as I get over this "drama queen" stage. I know I'm bitchy lately. maybe it's my way to say " BACK OFF IF YOU'RE NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE ME".

I'm Going Home

I'll be back home tomorrow. Mom texted me 3 times saying she want me back home. I just love Mom. :-) Sometimes, I just realize that no matter how bad or how troubled or messy my life is, Mom will always be there. She might get upset at me, but in the end, no one loves me like Mom. :-)


Happy Sunday!!!! :-D

Friday, July 9, 2010

Troubled Mind

I feel so completely incomplete right now. I gained independence at the cost of being far away from my family. Is it satisfying? Nah.. I don't think so...I miss a lot of things now... My warm bed and cozy pillows... My disoriented closet... My blanket... my brother and sister... My Mom... I just miss the whole house... I wish I can go home soon... huh... It's just sad... Right now, I'm the only one awake. i ate dinner by myself and tomorrow, I'll spend the whole day alone again. Oh boy.

I just wonder what Mom is doing right now.. Is she asleep? Is she still mad at me? Does she miss me? huh.....


:-(

Thursday, July 8, 2010

A Sad Chapter...

I just got the rest of my things at home... I saw Mom. Her eyes were swelling. Maybe she cried for her lost child--me. Yes. I am lost. I have a totally messed life. I always wanted to prove myself. I always wanted to hurt and be strong. I wanted to take risks which unfortunately, she doesn't want to allow me to do.

I never thought this day would come. Before marriage, I already left my Mom. I am hurting because of the fact that I left her in a way she never wanted me to do. I don't want to leave but the circumstances requires me to do so. It's either I stay and give her pain everyday or I leave and let her hurt now and tomorrow, she's gonna feel better because I'm gone.

I love my Mom so much. I've always planned to build a house beside hers. I've always wanted a promotion so I can give her a car and take her for a vacation. I understand how she sacrificed a lot of things for me and my sister after my dad died. I wish I could repay her for all of those. But here I am, at a stage when I wanted to grow and I need guidance badly... and unfortunately, Mom cannot guide me anymore because she's tired of me. I'm also tired. I want to die now. That's what I'm feeling.

I'm so sorry Ma..... :'-(

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I Left The House...

I left my Mom's house today. I brought my things and my important documents. Do I want to leave? I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm hurt emotionally. Mom had always been the understanding one. But why didn't she understand me now.. Now, that I needed her the most?

Today, for the second time around. Gladys pulled my hair. I was screaming because I was in a hurry because I have a scheduled interview. My sister was upset because I was speaking to someone over the phone inside our room. In the first place, I wasn't speaking too loud. Second, she's supposed to wake up early. But then, mom was mad at me as if I started the fight. This is already the second time that she did it to me. I feel so bad right now having no choice but to live with someone. Though this is not right but this is the best way to have peace on both sides. :-(

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Writing is a Lifetime Vocation

I was supposed to have a break in TV as part of a creative group but, unfortunately, I opted not to attend during the last minute. Not because of a better offer elsewhere, but because of what I believe. I thought about it the whole night.

I am writer I guess, since the day I was born. Mom and dad are wide readers and they asked me to read good books of my interest or at least the Sunday newspaper or some articles. I never complained because for no reason at all, I find myself enjoying those. I have a big collection of storybooks which has stories of Cinderella and Snowhite of different versions and I find each of them fascinating in their own way. I write poems and make diaries or letters to unknown readers just in a piece of paper and leave it somewhere hoping that a lucky reader would be able to take a glimpse of it and realize something good still exists in this world.Come grade 6, with not much awareness, I was selected as a feature writer which gave me more practice in the field. I was not a winner in the contest that I joined but I know, I have inspired a lot with my stories because even my teachers back then would tell my stories to the batches next to mine. My sister woud read my poems of love and cry nto because of the story that she imagines ot of it but because of the feeling that the poem had shared her.

I created a good storyline for TV which allowed me to get a chance for a trial brainstorm which could be the start of a good career but I thought about how much I love writing. I write becaue it's what defines me. I write because I love to and because there is something to write about. But I cannot write as a job... because as my bestfriend in high school told me, writing is not just a career, it's a lifetime vocation. I can write when I'm old, whether my writings are published or not, I will continue to inspire people.

I am looking for a better career. I want to be a Manager for a good company bt then, I will write and inspire people of my experience back when I am nothing but a girl who wants to write until she can.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Eclipse

Just saw the movie " Eclipse". I've waited for it for a yera and finally, I've seen it. I was satisfied with the movie because it was WAY, WAY, WAY, better than the first two movies of the saga. I love the lines of Jacob which made people in the cinema go crazy. hahahahaahahha.Can't wait for the next movie. I'm sure it's gonna be a lot better. :-D

Friday, June 25, 2010

Angels Cry by M. Carey and Ne-yo

Mariah:
I shouldn’t have walked away
I would’ve stayed if you said
We could’ve made everything OK
But we just
Threw the blame back and forth
We treated love like a sport
The final blow hit so low
I’m still on the ground

I couldn’t have prepared myself for this fall
Shattered in pieces curled on the floor
Super natural love conquers all
‘Member we used to touch the sky
And Lightning don’t strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love’s a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

C’mon babe can’t our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon’ make it right
I’m on the edge just tryin’ to survive
As the angels cry

Ne-Yo:
I thought we’d be forever and always
You were serenity
You took away the bad days
Didn’t always treat you right
But it was OK
I do somethin’ stupid
And you still stay with me

But you can only go for so long
Doing the one you claim to love wrong
Before too much is enough
You look up
Find your love gone
And We were so good together
How come we could not weather
This storm and just do better
Why did we say goodbye

‘Cause lightning don’t strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love’s a gift
We let it drift
In a storm
Now every night
I feel the angels cry

Mariah & Ne-Yo:
C’mon babe can’t our love be revived
Bring it back and we gon’ make it right
I’m on the edge just tryin’ to survive
As the angels cry

Baby I’m missin’ you
Don’t allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I’m reaching for you

Baby I’m missin’ you
Don’t allow love to lose
We gotta ride it through
I’m reaching for you

Lightning don’t strike
The same place twice
When you and I said goodbye
I felt the angels cry
True love’s a gift
But we let it slip
In a storm
Every night
I feel the angels cry

Oh babe, the angels cry

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

13th Month :-)

Happy 13th Month, Hon. Like a bonus, You make me feel happy. All the hardwork somehow pays off :-)You make me smile and after a year, I get it in full package: You're time,you're love,you're effort.. YOU.Thank you Hon. I love you so much. :-*

Friday, May 28, 2010

I feel a hollow in my heart....

I've been feeling different lately... I don't know what exactly is wrong but I feel so different... :-(

Maybe it's because I'm about to leave an industry that I've enjoyed for 3 years. The reason is because I'm tired. Stressed. Practical. I'm tired because for those 3 years, I've been taking calls, managing accounts of customers and discussing money matters when I'm not good in my own financial management, to be quite honest, although, I'm not as bad as some of them are. I'm stressed because of the office politics, the martial law and too much bombardment of info, processes and rules... I'm being practical in a sense that I have accepted the fact already that the industry that I've joined is not for long term because I will be having a family soon, I need a normal life: work during the day and be with my family by night.

I am very thankful to the Call Center Industry because it helped me build my self confidence, it helped become professional and a fast learner. It helped me send my sister to College until she graduated and it also helped me enroll and go back to College and start aiming for a degree in Management. It is not eaasy to say goodbye... no.. it was never easy. But each time a door closes, I believe that another door opens for me. I want to broaden my horizon...explore other jobs and enhance my talent. I believe that there's a lot to learn and at my age, 22, opportunities are plenty... I love everyething that I have learneed and will keep them for the rest of my life. It has been a pleasure being part of the industry. Thank you..... :-)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Batangas Getaway!!!!















These are the pix from my reunion with a good friend, Nico Deus Villafranca. He was top 6 from the ME Board Exams this year and I'm so proud of him!!! Janella, Kath, Marky, Nico and I have been friends since elementary and it was really nice having to celebrate occasions like this together. We went to Nasugbu, Batangas and stayed overnight in his house along with his College friends from Mapua. Had few drinks, videoke and swimming. The exciting part was we had the chance to discuss matters which we haven't talked about in years through truth or dare. Nico will be working in Cebu for two years since the company that sponsored his scholarship is based in Cebu. We will miss him and ofcourse, we all promised to keep the friendship wherever we go. Good Luck Nico on your new journey as an employee and Congratulations on being one of the best in your Board Exams!!!! :-)

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Anniversary Honey!!!

It was our first year anniversary yesterday. Honey had planned an activity which was not the usual celebration that you have. I was very excited about his plan. He wanted to go somewhere we haven't gone to, have lunch, write a letter for each other and then go to church.

We decided to go to Bonifacio High Street ( I haven't been there yet so yesterday was the first time! ). Upon parking the car, he started checking on my gift for him. I got him a nice polo shirt which I was nervous about because the size might be wrong but good thing it wasn't. Then he handed me his greeting card which says " Happy Anniversary to my Girlfriend" and I was pretty shocked to see the card and read the message. Then, he handed me a little brown bag, it was so small really so I find it cute then he made me open it and I saw a necklace with a heart pendant. But that wasn't the best part. The best part was when he told me to check on another gift inside the little bag. There, I saw a key.

He told me that it was a key to his apartment and told me I can have that duplicate because I am welcome anytime. I felt really happy because normally, guys wouldn't want their girlfriends having keys to their apartments because later on, they might be checking on their boyfriends' stuff and all. But he gave me the key, and that said it all.

That's not the only cheesy stuff because after we ate a lot @ Mary Grace's, we went to fully booked and got 2 pens and a stationery. We headed to Starbucks in the bookstore and he got a frap ( the same one he ordered for me when we went out the first time ) and a cinnamon swirl then we started writing letters for each other. It was hard to concentrate. We weren't talking to each other because we wanted to be serious with our letter. After both of us were done, we read each others letter and I was teary-eyed but I don't want to cry because we were in a public place. His letter was very touching because he told me things that he doesn't usually say. I was pretty surprised that our letters are composed of the same emotions, proving that we are definitely on the same page. :'-)

After that, we went to church and damn... I was so sleepy because of lack of sleep. :-( But anyway, the day ended well. Before i got off the car, I greeted him a Happy Anniversary again and thanked him for the great day. :-D

Happy Mother's Day

A letter for Mom:

Mom,

First, I wanna say sorry for all the headaches I've given you. I know that I am stubborn at times and I always want to prove myself to you. But nevertheless, you always understand. I feel so guilty when I do wrong because when I come home to you, you never reject me or disown me. Instead, you always accept me with open arms and give me never ending 2nd chances.

Thanks for being both a Mom and Dad to me and Gladys. It really was hard for the three of us to live after Dad left us but you were able to manage keeping the three of us together despite the challenges. Thank you for the sacrifices you made for us. The people you had to deal with, the extended work hours, the long travel you took just to see us... It was all worth it Ma. We have grown to be good people. We have learned our responsibilities and we have learned the value of hardwork. Thanks for the way you brought us up. I am proud that you are my Mom. There would be a lot of things to say but nothing beats us spending everyday together at home which would give you the feeling of how thankful we are that you are here. We might be busy all the time with our lives but we never forget you because you are the reason why we love to come home everyday. I love you Ma. Happy Mother's day!



Love,
Riza

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I Got Promoted!!!!!!!



I feel so blessed right now. Things just seem to fall into place without me realizing it. I thought that my life lately was in a mess. A lot of things happened that demotivated me and I thought I could never bounce back to how I was doing before. I’ve been attending mass and been praying more intently than before and I was quiet at home and I rant when I’m with Mark expressing all my disappointments. It was really stressful and I came to a point when I wanted to just quit my job and rest for a while. I realized that it’s just so hard to work. You work your ass out everyday for the same thing and damn, you keep on failing! I was way out of control with the things that had been happening and I tend to panic when that happens. I felt low.

But my prayers were answered when there came an opening for a position in the office. I wasn’t really interested until a teammate of mine told me to submit my application and give it a try. He said that it might be my “calling” since I have always asked for a different line of job since last year and my teammates know that. So taking that advice, I submitted my application. I went through a lot before it was finally submitted ( that A LOT really means A LOT and I’m not exaggerating, ok? ). I wasn’t even prepared for my initial interview because I got the information that I’m scheduled for an interview like 10 minutes before my sched. But nevertheless, I gave it my best shot. I was nervous but I know it’s a make or break situation wherein a lot was at stake and I never want to lose all my chances. Out of the many applicants vying for the same position, I made it to the top 3 in my site and part of the 6 that will be interviewed for the final assessment. Well, that’s what we thought because basically, it wasn’t an interview at all. It was a Power Point Presentation wherein we would have to discuss one topic and from there, the panel would determine who is qualified for the job.

I was lucky having graduated from a public school and being part of the student council for 3 years in high school. I don’t get shy anymore with presentations infront of anyone. I can’t say that it was my forte, it was just an advantage. I discussed the topic they wanted which I only had the chance to do a research on for 3 days only. I was prepared for the questions but open to corrections as well. I was determined to make it. Not because I just want a promotion. I was looking for a career path and I don’t want to jump to another company just because I don’t have a career here.

The presentation was nerve wrecking because you see foreign and Filipino bosses listening to you, questioning what you are discussing and expressing there opinion about what you say. But I just kept in mind that this is MY CLASS. I AM THE ONE TEACHING so I SHOULD STAY IN CONTROL because if I FREAK OUT, I LOSE IT ALL. And so far, after the interview, they gave immediate feedback that I was good in public speaking and I don’t stutter and I wasn’t nervous at all. Ofcourse I was nervous but I managed to laugh with them during the feedback session because I was happy that it’s over and if I don’t get it, at least I know I gave my best.

I was waiting for the “judgment” day and of course, I felt that I made it and I’ve never been so sure in my applications as this. Then more and more people start to congratulate me. Bosses texting me or visiting me in my station and telling me that they are happy for me and that I did well. And now, I’m just counting the days before I formally start in the new position. I am promoted. My hardwork finally was paid off!!! I feel so happy that at my age, 21, an undergrad, got promoted despite all the challenges that I had to face and deal with in the past few months. I felt motivated again. I felt that everything that I believed in proves to be true. I am not a failure at all. I have a direction in life. I have good values and I will always find my way out no matter what ( ofcourse with the help of all the people who supported me, taught me how to be good at my job and also for the inspiration given to me which helped me make it. ) I am so thankful for the blessings. God really has His way to show me what I was made for. I have a purpose in life. This must be the start of it.




*************
Special Thanks to Mark Medina, Chris Nullar, Diandra Ancheta, Chris Alonte, Armin Faraon, Chi Santos, Maria Espaldon and Joms Estrada for the help and encouragement. ( Oscar Awards?hehehehehe )