Saturday, July 10, 2010

7 Things That Will Make Me Happy

1. Vanilla Ice Cream in a large cone. When i feel bad, I just feel like eating ice cream for the reason that it relaxes me and makes me feel cooler.

2. Textmate. I badly need an unknown textmate. Someone who hasn't seen me or met ,me before so he/she won't judge me for my actions.

3. A Strong Person. Someone who can handle the twists and turns of my attitude. The emotions and mood swings. I just need the right kind of understanding.

4. A cup of coffee with a long time friend. I just want to talk about my life. Be my diary at the same time react, feel free to speak and relate.

5. An effective sleeping pills. i want to sleep for 24 hours as if I'm dead. Juts get away with all the problems and the people who can't seem to hear me when I speak. It's hard to explain yourself every now and then. It's hard to prove results when you haven't even started yet.

6. A plate and a vacant lot with a big wall. I wanna break plates and scream and shout. I am in so much pain. I want to break free.

7. I want people who would love me at worst and after this, i will give them my best. Just stay as I get over this "drama queen" stage. I know I'm bitchy lately. maybe it's my way to say " BACK OFF IF YOU'RE NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO HANDLE ME".

I'm Going Home

I'll be back home tomorrow. Mom texted me 3 times saying she want me back home. I just love Mom. :-) Sometimes, I just realize that no matter how bad or how troubled or messy my life is, Mom will always be there. She might get upset at me, but in the end, no one loves me like Mom. :-)

Happy Sunday!!!! :-D

Friday, July 9, 2010

Troubled Mind

I feel so completely incomplete right now. I gained independence at the cost of being far away from my family. Is it satisfying? Nah.. I don't think so...I miss a lot of things now... My warm bed and cozy pillows... My disoriented closet... My blanket... my brother and sister... My Mom... I just miss the whole house... I wish I can go home soon... huh... It's just sad... Right now, I'm the only one awake. i ate dinner by myself and tomorrow, I'll spend the whole day alone again. Oh boy.

I just wonder what Mom is doing right now.. Is she asleep? Is she still mad at me? Does she miss me? huh.....


Thursday, July 8, 2010

A Sad Chapter...

I just got the rest of my things at home... I saw Mom. Her eyes were swelling. Maybe she cried for her lost child--me. Yes. I am lost. I have a totally messed life. I always wanted to prove myself. I always wanted to hurt and be strong. I wanted to take risks which unfortunately, she doesn't want to allow me to do.

I never thought this day would come. Before marriage, I already left my Mom. I am hurting because of the fact that I left her in a way she never wanted me to do. I don't want to leave but the circumstances requires me to do so. It's either I stay and give her pain everyday or I leave and let her hurt now and tomorrow, she's gonna feel better because I'm gone.

I love my Mom so much. I've always planned to build a house beside hers. I've always wanted a promotion so I can give her a car and take her for a vacation. I understand how she sacrificed a lot of things for me and my sister after my dad died. I wish I could repay her for all of those. But here I am, at a stage when I wanted to grow and I need guidance badly... and unfortunately, Mom cannot guide me anymore because she's tired of me. I'm also tired. I want to die now. That's what I'm feeling.

I'm so sorry Ma..... :'-(

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I Left The House...

I left my Mom's house today. I brought my things and my important documents. Do I want to leave? I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm hurt emotionally. Mom had always been the understanding one. But why didn't she understand me now.. Now, that I needed her the most?

Today, for the second time around. Gladys pulled my hair. I was screaming because I was in a hurry because I have a scheduled interview. My sister was upset because I was speaking to someone over the phone inside our room. In the first place, I wasn't speaking too loud. Second, she's supposed to wake up early. But then, mom was mad at me as if I started the fight. This is already the second time that she did it to me. I feel so bad right now having no choice but to live with someone. Though this is not right but this is the best way to have peace on both sides. :-(

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Writing is a Lifetime Vocation

I was supposed to have a break in TV as part of a creative group but, unfortunately, I opted not to attend during the last minute. Not because of a better offer elsewhere, but because of what I believe. I thought about it the whole night.

I am writer I guess, since the day I was born. Mom and dad are wide readers and they asked me to read good books of my interest or at least the Sunday newspaper or some articles. I never complained because for no reason at all, I find myself enjoying those. I have a big collection of storybooks which has stories of Cinderella and Snowhite of different versions and I find each of them fascinating in their own way. I write poems and make diaries or letters to unknown readers just in a piece of paper and leave it somewhere hoping that a lucky reader would be able to take a glimpse of it and realize something good still exists in this world.Come grade 6, with not much awareness, I was selected as a feature writer which gave me more practice in the field. I was not a winner in the contest that I joined but I know, I have inspired a lot with my stories because even my teachers back then would tell my stories to the batches next to mine. My sister woud read my poems of love and cry nto because of the story that she imagines ot of it but because of the feeling that the poem had shared her.

I created a good storyline for TV which allowed me to get a chance for a trial brainstorm which could be the start of a good career but I thought about how much I love writing. I write becaue it's what defines me. I write because I love to and because there is something to write about. But I cannot write as a job... because as my bestfriend in high school told me, writing is not just a career, it's a lifetime vocation. I can write when I'm old, whether my writings are published or not, I will continue to inspire people.

I am looking for a better career. I want to be a Manager for a good company bt then, I will write and inspire people of my experience back when I am nothing but a girl who wants to write until she can.

Thursday, July 1, 2010


Just saw the movie " Eclipse". I've waited for it for a yera and finally, I've seen it. I was satisfied with the movie because it was WAY, WAY, WAY, better than the first two movies of the saga. I love the lines of Jacob which made people in the cinema go crazy. hahahahaahahha.Can't wait for the next movie. I'm sure it's gonna be a lot better. :-D