Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Courage

Last night, I was pretending to be so ok.. the very first day of not talking to him. No more text messages, no more phone calls. Mark-free. I was exhausted and lonely. I got home 7:30PM not feeling hungry, not feeling anything. When I faced the dinner table and my siblings and Mom started talking to me... I just broke down and cried. I wasn't ok. And so after weeks of hiding the emotions, I finally decided to let it all out. We broke up because he doesn't have future plans. He doesn't see himself having a lifetime committment with me. He doesn't see himself getting married with anybody.

I was crying because I felt alone. Even if other guys are texting me, it felt different. Even if guys are checking if I got home safely, it is still different. Or so I thought...

Mom told me I should be happy. I'm free. It feels good to be single rather than be stuck in a relationship that's full of problems and that I keep on getting hurt over and over but he doesn't change or make any adjustments to make me happy. I should think about what he did to me that hurt me so much instead of reminiscing the good times that faded away in time. Love is destined to grow for better not for worse... Unfortunately, ours grew for worse... We lost everything we ever had...

We lost the great things as we each progress with our social lives and career. We valued different things: Mark, his independence. Me, my emotions.

Life is too short to waste on wrong things. I am up for the search again... I'm waiting for God's sign.

Monday, April 25, 2011

No More Waiting

It's really over.

I tried to say it a million times and check if I'd still hurt and indeed... it still does. hahaha. I don't know what to feel anymore. Actually, I'm tired of feeling. He destroyed what had remain of us. I'm gonna be over it in no time. I wouldn't want to see him or hear from him again. It doesn't matter if I'm inlove with him at this very moment. All I want was for him to realize what he lost when he lost me. Better days are coming and that's for sure. I wouldn't dare text him or message him... And I know he won't do that too. I'm leaving it to God. He has better plans... far better than what I have planned for myself.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

New Life

Hello world! I haven't said hello in a while because I was pre-occupied by a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. I am so happy that finally, I have decided which way to go. Yesterday was Easter and I was hoping for something beautiful to happen when what really happened wasn't beautiful at all in any way but it made me see things in a different light. He's gone. There's nothing to wait for, nothing to expect, nothing to hope for. All that's left was my right to decide when to leave... And I think the time to leave is NOW. He just won't accept it but he was cold to me yesterday... He raised his voice at me when he called and when I said goodbye, it was as if he was daring me if I can really leave for good which is something that I have been trying to do eversince but I can't. But I guess I have reached my limit. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of trying to work things out over and over when in fact, I'm the only who wants to work it out and he's already trying to move on with his life. If he wants to come back, he will. He will exert an effort to fix things between us. I have changed my number. All that's left would just be anything about me. Just me alone.

ILML.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

My Lookbook

SO ofcourse, I'm trying to improve the "fashion" side of me since I'm working for the fashion industry and honestly, I think I love FASHION. It's one of the things that I would never get tired of. So... I created a LOOKBOOK account so I can continue experimenting on looks and have people tell me their opinions about it.

http://lookbook.nu/anjsaura

Monday, April 18, 2011

Newest Craving

Oh My! I've been seeing this satchel in several blogs already and I.AM.CRAVING.FOR.IT. I wanna buy!!!! It's so tempting...

PRICES ARE:

Fluoro:
11"-P7550
13"-P7750
15"-P7950

Classic:
11"--P5750
13"--P5950
15"--P6250



Image from http://stylesamurai.blogspot.com


* got the image and details from http://stylesamurai.blogspot.com

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Hold It Against Me -Britney Spears

Hey over there
Please forgive me
If I’m coming on too strong
Hate to stare
But you’re winning
And they’re playing my favorite song

So come here
A little closer
Wanna whisper in your ear
Make It clear
Little question
Wanna know just how you feel

If I said my heart was beating loud
If we could escape the crowd somehow
If I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Cause you feel like paradise
I need a vacation tonight
So if I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Hey You might think
That I’m crazy
But I you know I’m just your type
I’mma be a little hazy
But you just cannot deny

There’s a spark in between us
When we’re dancing on the floor
I want more
Wanna see It
So I’m asking you tonight

If I said my heart was beating loud
If we could escape the crowd somehow
If I said I want your body now

Would you hold it against me

Cause you feel like paradise
I need a vacation tonight
So if I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me


If I said I want your body
Would It Hold It Against Me?

(Yeah)

(Ah)

(Oh)

Gimme something good
Don't wanna wait I want It now (na-na-now)
Pop It like a hood
And show me how you work It out

(alright)
If I said my heart was beating loud
If I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

If I said my heart was beating loud
If we could escape the crowd somehow
If I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Cause you feel like paradise
I need a vacation tonight
So if I said I want your body now
Would you hold it against me

Britney Spears Hold It Against Me lyrics found on http://www.directlyrics.com/britney-spears-hold-it-against-me-lyrics.html

Reflection



LOOK AT YOURSELF. NOW.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Break Up. Never Give Up.

So, we're over and done for more than a week now. But nevertheless, I'm ok. I feel like I'm more motivated to lose weight and be beautiful. Truly, every ending is a new beginning. I'm gonna start my life over again and be the best I can be. No doubt, I will be better than I was when we were together. I am inspired to live my life. I'm not saying I'm happy that we broke up but there's really no reason to be sad about it when I know for a fact that with or without him, life must go on... life will go on. No need to worry because there's always something better in store for me.



ILML.

Pretty Girl Rock

I can do the pretty girl rock rock rock rock
Do the pretty girl rock rock rock
Now what's your name?

My name is Keri, I'm so very
Fly oh my it's a little bit scary
Boys wanna marry looking at my derri-
erre, you can stare but if you touch it I'ma bury

Pretty as a picture
Sweeter than a swisher
Mad cause I'm cuter than the girl that's witcha
I don't gotta talk about it baby you can see it
But if you want I'll be happy to repeat it

My name is Keri, I'm so very
Fly oh my it's a little bit scary
Boys wanna marry looking at my derri-
erre, you can stare but if you touch it I'ma bury

Pretty as a picture
Sweeter than a swisher
Mad cause I'm cuter than the girl that's witcha
I can talk about it cause I know that I'm pretty
And if you know it too then ladies sing it with me

All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk the way I dress
It's not my fault so please don't trip
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful

Aye, now do the pretty girl rock rock rock
Do the pretty girl rock rock rock
Do the pretty girl rock rock
All my ladies do the pretty girl rock rock rock
Do the pretty girl rock rock rock
Do the pretty girl rock rock rock
Do the pretty girl rock


[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/pretty-girl-rock-lyrics-keri-hilson.html ]

Now where you at?

If you're looking for me you can catch me (pass by)
Cameras flashing
Bet he turned his head just as soon as I passed him
Girls think I'm conceited cause I know I'm attractive
Don't worry about what I think, why don't you ask him?

Get yourself together don't hate (never do it),
jealousy is the ugliest trait (don't ever do it)
I can talk about it cause I know that I'm pretty
And if you know it too then ladies sing it with me

All eyes on me when I walk in
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful
My walk, my talk the way I dress
It's not my fault so please don't trip
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful

Doing the pretty girl rock rock rock
Do the pretty girl rock rock rock
Do the pretty girl rock rock rock
Do the pretty girl rock rock
All my ladies do the pretty girl rock rock
Get low witcha pretty girl rock rock
Steal the show witcha pretty girl rock rock
All my ladies do the pretty girl rock rock
Sing it with me now

All eyes on me when I walk in,
No question that this girl's a 10
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful.
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful.
My walk my talk the way I dress
It's not my fault so please don't trip
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful
Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful [x2]

Sunday, April 3, 2011

F-R-E-E-D-O-M

Last Saturday was the day I decided to set myself free. 1 year and 11 months in a relationship was stressful. Not because we were having problems because basically, the root of all those problems are the never endless expectations that continuously grows as we spend more time together. I was sad to let go of someone that I have been so used to hanging out with, having vacations with and sharing every piece of me with... But it's not healthy to be tied-up when I knew for a fact that there are a lot of things I should be doing than staying in a relationship. He was a good man... no, he was a great man. On the other hand, I am not a good girlfriend. I am young, immature and I still want to have so much fun that lately, I've been irresponsible and I admit that. I need to reset. Refresh. I need to stop for a while and think. What's going on? Where am I going? What should I do now? A lot of questions had been popping in my head lately and I can't seem to figure out any reasonable answer. It makes me sad because now, I know how lost I am.

I am thankful for the people around me... my mom, my brother, my sister, my step-dad and Mark. They are the reason why I keep on going despite the confusion, the irregular emotions that I am having... Oh dear. I wish I could sort things out now and be perfectly fine. But I can't do it as fast as now. It takes time before I can get better... Before I would be able to meet expectations the way I wanted them to meet mine. Let's just hope for the best.

ILML.