Sunday, May 29, 2011

Rainy Days = Vanity










This is what a rainy day does to me. ILML. ♥♥♥

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Missing Mark

Just this morning, I was searching for the videos of Wong Fu Productions when I saw their video titled " Together Forever ". I played the video and saw the credits about the song they used. It was the song "Say It Again" by Marie Digby. I was teary-eyed as I watched the video because it was for a couple who just recently got married. The song was really nice and in fact, that song was OUR song when we were still a couple. I even recorded myself singing it and sent it to his phone via MMS.

I was almost over him until the memories haunted me again. I don't know if it was the rain or the song but somehow, I realized I still miss him. I haven't forgotten the things that made us smile during the days that we were together. It's not easy to get over our relationship. I would be lying if I say I'm 100% over him. In fact, when I miss him, I text him even if I know for a fact that he won't reply. I wouldn't care if he rejects me. I just want to satisfy myself.. I just want to let him know..that somehow, I am spending at least 1 hour of my day to think of him out of the 23 hours that I push myself to get over him.

I just wanna wake up one day and not remember anything at all even if that means forgetting the happy times too. It's getting harder each day but I gotta keep my sanity because I have a lot of things to do in my life. Even if I feel so lost and incomplete, I gotta continue with this journey... I don't have a choice.

Sometimes, I wonder what I did to deserve this. I've been trying my best in everything and I give my best to everyone but why won't he give his best to me? Why won't he risk everything for me? Instead, he became a coward and decided to run away from me. I know for a fact that I made him happy. Haven't I done enough? It's so difficult to understand what happened and why it happened. I just wish the emptiness I feel would go away, someday.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

More Galera Pics

At Apartelle de Francesca







Before the Banana Boat Ride




At the Freakin' Banana Boat








After the Boat Ride








Apartelle Pool



Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Making up My Mind

Someone asked me out... Guess what? I said no. I'm not yet ready to date though i'm no longer inlove with Mark. i can feel it.. In fact, I don't know what's gotten into me but I kept on listening to songs that tell something about our relationship as I don't want the feeling to fade away...But honestly, there would be mornings or nights that I don't even bother to think about him anymore...It's just sad... a sad phase when you get to realize that one day, he was all you ever needed then you wake up one morning finding yourself happy that you are living your life without him.. not because you don't love him but because there are so many things in life that you want to enjoy more than being with him.... :(

I'm leaving it to God. He has plans....

Monday, May 23, 2011

Galera Moments

So, for Honeylet's homecoming and my birthday this is what we did:
Note: These are pictures from my cam only, the rest from my friends' cam will follow soon


At the Apartelle de Francesca



Beach Front Resto





Before we hit the Banana Boat Ride



Drinking session at the Apartelle






Drunk!A happy vacay to remember!

Sunday, May 22, 2011

HAPPY 23rd Birthday To Me!

Today is my 23rd birthday. Of course, I am very happy. I've been celebrating over the weekend already. Saturday morning, I was at the beach ( Puerto Galera ) with Kath and soon after a couple more friends came : Honeylet, Lean and Jerick. Honeylet was my classmate and friend since I was in grade 3. We were classmates, bus mates and neighbors. Lean and Jerick on the other hand were also from the same school as me and Honeylet. Basically, the beach thing was for Honeylet's homecoming and my birthday. I'm so happy she came home!

So, going to the exciting part, we did the banana boat ride. We were thrown in to the deep part of the water and we panicked! haha. Although we were wearing life jackets but still, the fact that you can't touch the ground is sooooo scary! But it was fun. That night, we had videoke, we went to the beach to drink and we went home drunk! hahaha. Morning was scheduled for fish feeding and island hopping. We got home around 8PM.

Next story would be this morning. I saw Mark. I missed him. At least, I saw him and I was able to hug him and he said happy birthday to me. Oh, and he did greet me Happy Birthday around midnight.

:-)

Thursday, May 19, 2011

My Mission

I guess, my time with Mark can't be over just yet. I just realized, no matter how difficult he is, I should not give up on him because I know that even if he is rude to me now, there's still something good in him. I don't know if this is still love or what but what I'm sure of is that he is the person I asked from God.

I remembered praying for God over and over to give me a difficult person, like maybe a convicted person or something... Someone who is going through something in this life that not even the society or religion can change. I realized it's my purpose. I'm here because there's someone to change. There is a life I should touch. I sometimes forget that purpose when I get hurt, when I'm too busy thinking about my life.

I met him. Yes, he is the person sent to me for me to improve. He was sent to me so I can touch his life. Not because he is meant for me but because He deserves all my prayers. He is a difficult person.. Full of pride, ego and he just wants to stand and live for himself. Not anybodyelse. One thing I learned is that people need other people to survive. No matter how hard you try to live by yourself, time will come that you will need someone. Time will come that I won't be feeling anything for him but definitely, I will be here for him no matter what. I just pray that someday, he will realize why I'm here.....

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

♥ Matters ♥

Here's what I will do... I will give MARK until July. If he doesn't fix things between us and tells me he wants me back then I'm gonna go for this new guy.


Haaaaayyyyyyy Mark, you are so lucky!

Falling For You

While I was listening to the song Falling For You by Colbie Caillat, a face suddenly appeared in my imagination then I smiled.... Could it be??? hmmmmm.... we'll see. hahahaha

♥♥♥

Ako na ang mabilis magkacrush. Bakit ba? Single ako eh. hahahahaha Sbi niya sken mag-move on ako... I'm trying... kung yun ang magpapasaya sa kanya. :-)

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Scorpio Man and Gemini Woman

Scorpio and Gemini Compatibility And Love Match - Hot or Not?



By: Marian Rocelyn


This pairing brings together the flitting about ways of Gemini of the nevertheless waters run deep kind in Scorpio. They share an endless curiosity about human behavior, which gives them significantly to talk about. But Scorpio will try to read Gemini at a deep level, whilst the nature on the Twins is to constantly change. Gemini's must stay over a move, and seek out mental stimulation could look superficial to Scorpio. At the same time, Gemini may well worry that Scorpio is often a dark character with dark motives. If the Scorpionic probing is as well intense at the outset, the Gemini could be intimidated and scurry away. Gemini's short attention span, flirty tendencies, and notorious inability to hold secrets might be red flags towards mistrustful Scorpio.




Scorpio loves a psychological puzzle, and is going to be intrigued to try to figure Gemini out, trying to find the core in the soul, mainly through the sexual relationship. It's hard for Gemini to settle down, becoming this kind of a nervous creature, and this might be frustrate the intimacy in between them. At home, Scorpio requirements a lot of private, uninterupted solitude to fill the emotional well, and just be in a deep space inside themselves. Gemini tends to be chatty, filling the space with their thoughts, that can be maddening to Scorpio. This couple requirements lots of time apart so each can unwind in their personal specific way. It will take many acceptance from the differences to create this pairing work.
Famous Couples: Grace Kelly (Scorpio) and Prince Rainier (Gemini); Leonardo Dicaprio (Scorpio) and Bar Refaeli (Gemini); Vivien Leigh (Scorpio) and Sir Laurence Olivier (Gemini)




This relationship tends being highly passionate and can usually be characterized by arguments; Gemini loves a very good debate, considering it the epitome of mental stimulation, and that characteristic Gemini flirtatiousness tends to grate on Scorpio's jealous, possessive nerves. Despite these differences, however, this really is no dull relationship. Each Signs love to eat chances and spice it up! They've plenty of adventures together, but if elements get too tense and arguments start to turn negative, they need to make the effort to reconcile if they importance the relationship and want it to last. In case you can give a Gemini great communication, social interchanges plus a range of life experience, then you've a much better chance of having their adore and affection. In case you can give a Scorpio loyalty, manage and deep understanding you've a far better chance of getting their adore and affection.




Gemini is basically articulate, versatile and adroit. Put one more way, Gemini likes variety. Gemini is an notion person. Scorpio is really a strong individual, an incredibly beneficial friend, a formidable enemy, and prone to intense likes and dislikes. Scorpio lives inside globe of black and white. Scorpio has small time for superficial people, places or things. Light-hearted Gemini, an Air Sign, has a broad variety of interests and prefers to select and pick among them, skipping lightly from 1 towards other as the fancy calls. You have a wide circle of buddies and are usually found inside your ear glued towards the phone, mainly because you adore being up on all of the gossip. In relationships you prefer the entertaining, chatty variety, while this really is not to say you're not interested in sex. It's just which you prefer a casual, circuitous approach. You appreciate the pleasures of the chase, then discussing the intimate details, rather than obsessing around the true bumps and grinds. Scorpio even so prefers to aim straight to your heart in the relationship, glorying within the internal storms of passion and soul-searching. Demanding Scorpio is a lot into one-on-one (though you no doubt could interest the scorpion inside a small m?nage a trios, if you painted a lovely term picture of the likely pleasures).




Gemini's mind naturally likes to go from subject to subject. Gemini has varied interests and likes to maintain up with what's going on inside world. Gemini can be the original "quick study" who grasps facts, concepts and ideas. Over an other hand, Gemini can get bored easily and don't like things to drag along, prefers deep commitment, deep conversation and deep thoughts. If Scorpio can not tell it like it is, Scorpio prefers to keep quiet. Once Gemini and Scorpio come together in an adore affair, they'll must learn to understand and accept one another's differences - and if they can, they will probably be a practically unbreakable couple. Where Gemini is adaptable, intellectual, outgoing and chatty, Scorpio tends to be secretive, focused, intense and determined. Gemini tends to take elements lightly, for example their lover; Scorpio, on the other hand, has an incredibly deep require for emotional connection and intimacy. Scorpio is commonly quite loyal to their lover and incredibly connected on the relationship.




It needs to be stated that Scorpio has many secrets. Scorpio has forgiveness issues that have a tendency to make individual relationships challenging. Persons whisper about Scorpio's sex life. They dare to include Scorpio in their most passionate fantasies. At times, Scorpio may well think like Gemini has not one, but at least a couple of numerous personality sides. Within the relationship among Gemini and Scorpio adjustment will be the key. You both must give more than you get. This association requires extra sensitivity. At first, each might be somewhat irritated about every other. In time, with work, the quite factor that caused the irritation may trigger very own fulfilment. You cannot force growth in this alliance- go as well as the changes. To beat the odds, change your routines. Scorpio, a Water Sign, is ruled by forceful Mars, God of War and seething Pluto, Lord with the Underworld, though Airy Gemini is ruled by communicative Mercury, the Divine Messenger. Your fertile imagination and Scorpio's dynamic energy would make a good combination, if only the a couple of of you saw eye to eye about anything. Flames of passion blaze during the bedroom at first, but you soon find out that sex is not everything. Your Scorpio lover is sensual, passionate, jealous and inflexible. You however are fickle, flighty, superficial, light-hearted and changeable. Gemini is really a social creature, but Scorpio prefers privacy. Scorpio is suspicious, even vengeful, and will be in constant turmoil over your casual, playful attitude to love. With Scorpio everything is happening below the surface, creating it difficult to know what's incredibly heading on there. This kind of point is just not on with Gemini, for you personally much prefer full and frank disclosure (or at least 1 from the Twins does: another may well be attending to other business!)




Gemini requirements open lines of communication. Essentially the most close friends for Gemini are the ones who appreciate Gemini's sense of humour. Scorpio has proven the ability to keep on. Scorpio's staying power is second to none. Now Scorpio requirements to learn to allow go. Every day Scorpio needs to discover one thing to sell, give away, throw out or burn. If Scorpio needs to acquire the most out of life, Scorpio requirements to allow go of the old. Gemini is ruled by the Globe Mercury (Communication) and Scorpio is dually ruled by the Planets Mars (Passion) and Pluto (Power). Scorpio is usually quite concerned with sexual and emotional intimacy; they need much reassurance that their lover values the relationship up to they do. Thank goodness, then, for Gemini's excellent communicative abilities; the Twins should have no problem communicating their dedication towards the Scorpion - if it's dedication they feel. Gemini cannot and won't fake a commitment they do not feel, so intense Scorpio must find out to back off a bit. Gemini will certainly make a commitment to an adore relationship, but only if they're free to complete so on their own, not coerced into it.




Scorpio is a Fixed Sign, so in a single way the stability and strength of the Scorpion appeals to Gemini. This said, you will find it tough to arrive to terms with Scorpio's air of mystery and with that self-contained area which is a lot a no-go zone for you. Scorpio can seethe for days ahead of erupting as being a volcano, whereas you will get cross and sarcastic, but soon move on for the following product of news. Scorpio has to study that you cannot be kept as being a bird inside a cage, or at the very first opportunity, you will fly the coop. Bear in mind that Scorpio is secretive and likes to manipulate, whilst you prefer to lay your cards on a table. Scorpio is just so darned deep! This, despite the attraction, just isn't an easy match




Author Resource:-> gemini And scorpio Love Match And Compatibility? Are They Compatible? - scorpio and gemini and gemini and scorpio

Article From Tip-Top Article Directory For Your Added Knowledge

Monday, May 16, 2011

Break Even - The Script

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even.

Her best days will be some of my worst,
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,
While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Coz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain,
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh.
'Coz you left me with no love, with no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break, no it don't
break, no it don't break even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, It don't break even, no


(Thanks to Ailbhe and Yazmyn for correcting these lyrics)


I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even.

Her best days will be some of my worst,
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,
While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Coz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain,
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh.
'Coz you left me with no love, with no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break, no it don't
break, no it don't break even no.

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)

Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, It don't break even, no

What Might Have Been - Lou Pardini

Somewhere, lost in the wind
I'm watching you
Sunlight touching your hair
And I remember
Somehow, we said that we would never stray
But somehow we lost our way
Promises too often spoken
Are easily broken apart

I'm ready this time
I know that I'm no longer undecided
Don't wanna be
A fool wondering what might have been

Trace of forever lingering
Drawing me closer to you
A new beginning
Now I know
There is no doubt I understand
Just how fragile love can be
I can't forget
Your mem'ry found me
Now I know where I belong

I'm ready this time
I know that I'm no longer undecided
Don't wanna be a fool wondering
What might have been
Through every day, into the night
With only love to guide us
I'm ready to go, coz I've got to know
What might have been
Let the lovin' decide, I can't run, I can't hide

I want you to know
My heart will show that I'm ready this time
I know that I'm no longer undecided
Don't wanna be, a fool wondering what might have been
I've searched everywhere, and nothing compares
When we've got love to guide us
I'm ready to go, coz I wanna know what might have been
I'm wondering what might have been
We're gonna find what might have been
Oh I wanna know what might have been.

OVER YOU - CHris Daughtry

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
Well I'm putting my heart back together,
'Cause I got over you.
Well I got over you.
I got over you.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.




Sunday, May 15, 2011

A Goodbye Letter

Dear You,

I miss you already. I was talking to RC earlier and we talked about guys letting go of their girlfriends. He told me the same message you've been telling me for a month now. You are letting me go because you love me and you can't meet my expectations so might as well, let me go now that hurt me. Yes, it is a painful, unacceptable reason but it does make sense.

We had something great. I know for a fact that no one can take that from us even if we don't end up together. Life must go on... for both of us. We must continue living and smiling even if we do not have each other. It is definitely difficult. But who said it's easy in the first place?

I am happy I met you. I am happy to have you as a part of my life. The last hug you gave me would be treasured. I will not forget how it feels to hold you close to me.

Anj

Republiq ( Our Own Version Of PFW After Party )


Heart Evangelista and Daniel Matsunaga
My Outfit that day
Chee

After the show, we headed straight to Republiq. The place to be on a fine Saturday night.


What I was wearing:


Top: Forever 21


Skirt: SM Department Store


Watch: Fossil

Philippine Fashion Week

I attended the Philippine Fashion Week last Saturday. It was actually my first time to attend such and I wasn't disappointed at all! The collections were great and I even saw some familiar faces and heard familiar names who participated in making the show a success.


My schoolmate and co-officer in the STudent COuncil back in high school, Ma. Angelica Mopera



My Favorite Dress from the collection



Danica Magpantay



Charo Ronquillo



Me and Chee

Saturday, May 14, 2011

When Do You Stop Loving Someone?

When do you stop loving someone? I ask myself this question over and over again. I really don't know because I don't think I will ever love someone as much as I love him now. I am always afraid of being left alone but now that I lost him, I feel like I can't be with anyboyelse... I told my sister I'd rather grow old alone and just stay inlove with him an his memories even if he stops loving me or he finds someone else. This is just pathetic, I know. But when do I stop loving him? How would I do that when I felt he is the right one and that I could never be happier with anybodyelse? I'm already tired. Sometimes, I wish I have amnesia or I'm in a dying stage so I can no longer think and feel the pain I'm feeling now. I want to be strong and think that it's ok to lose him but really, everytime I say that, I hurt myself even more because I knew for a fact that I just can't forget him.

it's sunday and im sad

I just wish I don't have rest days. I get so lonely when I'm stuck at home... And I kept on thinking about him. How can I get over him? I wanna know how... Please teach me... ;-(

i love you, goodbye...

Have you heard the song "I love you, goodbye"? It's a bitter-sweet song about loving someone but can't promise to stay. I guess, that's what happened to me and Mark.

Last night was the final night. I gave him my letter and a goodbye hug... Honestly, I was trying to stop myself from crying when I hugged him and he hugged me back. He hugged me as tight as I hugged him and I felt that it includes the sorry's for the pain we caused each other.. The thank you's for the great times and the love and the goodbye... How I wish he didn't let me go...

He wanted me to unfriend him in facebook and wanted me to delete all his contact details with me. Makulit na daw kasi ako masyado. Wala naman daw akong maaasahan sa kanya. Pero sinabi ko makulit lang ako kasi mahal kita.. And yes, I was able to say it.

As I write this blog, my eyes are swelling because I was crying all the way home. Pagod na akong umiyak pero bakit hindi pa din ako napapagod na magmahal sa kanya?

I wanted to think he doesn't love me anymore but a part of me is saying that he did it because he loves me and wanted the best for me even if it means letting me go and hurting me. Knowing Mark, he was never good at expressing how he feels but his eyes can't lie.. I saw in his eyes that he was sad to let me go... But that's how things should be. If we're not meant to be, somehow, someway... We will be separated by fate. I should be glad that he was taken from me but he is alive and breathing rather than his life was taken away just so he will be separated from me. If he is meant for me, in God's time... He will be back.

I don't know what to do now because I have settled with the idea that with or without marriage, he's the one for me. I don't know if I'd ever love this much again or if I'd ever fall inlove again. I don't know if he's in pain the same way that I am or if he's hurting twice as I thought... I can never tell... All I know is, I will move on with my life... I gotta move on.. But I don't think I ever want to be inlove again... If not with him. I love him even if he pushes me away and tells me I can't expect a thing from him.I love him for who he is.. For every flaw, for his talent, for his successes and failures. This is for real. It's not like puppy love.

I am trusting His will. He did this for a reason.. Either to prepare both of us to be together, to change me so I can be the perfect one for someone... I just wish things would be fine..

Anj

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Angry

Yes, I am angry at him and his bestfriend. First of all, they didn't have to flirt on his facebook wall. Wala na siyang kahihiyan! Alam niya na pinagselosan ko yung babae na yon! Grabe naman. Oo, hiwalay na kami pero utang na loob... hindi na nila kailangan ipangalandakan na nag-uusap sila. Bakit hindi na lang kaya naging sila? Grabe. At yung babae wala na din siyang kahihiyan. Kasal siya. May asawang tao. Kung lumandi siya!

ggggggggggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy 2nd Year Anniversary!

Dear Honey,

Happy 24th Month to us! I know I don't deserve the right to greet you because we are no longer together but nevertheless, I will because I want to cherish the best thing we had since we met each other.

Courtship was never something we had gone through. Maybe we clicked right away. We were attracted and we had great conversations. May 9, 2009, we became a couple and from then on, we learned a lot of things about each other. Your favorite color is blue. You always fart. You snore when you're tired. You sneeze a lot. You fall asleep easily and awake easily. You can do everything but wash the clothes. You love photography and you love watching videos on youtube. You save a lot of money. You're good in budgeting. When you're mad, you're mad. You get annoyed because of traffic. You listen to rock and acoustic songs. You don't like being absent for work. You are romantic although you seldom show that part of you. You are cheesy and you just love telling me mushy lines.

There are still a lot that I have discovered about you but it's gonna take me a lifetime to say that I know exactly who you are but at least, I'm happy that I know some part of you. One thing I won't ever forget though, would be our quiet Sunday afternoons when we just stay at your apartment to watch dvd's even if the movies weren't the latest ones. The vacations we had from Caylabne, the first ever vacation we had a week after we became a couple to Island Cove which was our 100th Day Celebration to Boracay which was our 11th Month Celebration to tagaytay which was our Valentine's Day Celebration this year.

Mark, whether you fell out of love or you just decided that you can't see yourself settling down, it doesn't matter. I love you and I care for you and that won't ever change. If that means being just a friend for you, the so be it. I will wait as long as I can and if I can't then for sure, the right one will come just in time. Keep in mind that I'm not the type of person who gives up even when I'm in pain. I fight with all my strength and faith. Once we get through this, we would just look back at this chapter of the relationship and laugh at it. just as how you imagined as we sat in the sofa of our office building, we will grow old together, spend quiet afternoons and continue watching dvd's.

Again, Happy Anniversary and I love you!

Love,
Anj

Cold Summer Night

Saw him again today. I was happy and sad at the same time. He looked at me and noticed it- I'm sure, because he asked me what was wrong.

Today is May 8, 2011. It was supposed to be a day before our 2nd year anniversary. But here I am, creating this blog post. Imagining what could have been if we were together still.

Since the day we broke up ( which unfortunately, I forgot when ), I have been crying myself to sleep. Nobody knows how many times I wanted not to wake up anymore so I won't feel the pain. And every morning when I wake up, I'm still the same girl who expects his text message once I open my eyes.

This is a tough journey. Much painful than my first ever break-up with a guy who's less smarter than I am. Much heartbreaking than my wedding that never came to be. I don't easily fall inlove and those two that I mentioned were the most painful experiences I had because in those relationships, I knew the love I felt was real. This third heartbreak so far didn't just leave me torn and broken. I am crushed. For one, because I fought for it. Second, this was my longest relationship. Third, I am of age now and I'm at the point when I want to have a future that every woman has dreamed about. A family, happy work life, real friends...

Loneliness had been my companion everyday. Memories that keep playing in my mind are like music that keeps on playing even if I don't want to.

I just want something simple. I just want to be happy. Why is it so hard to get that happiness? I deserve it right? I've been a good girl. Why won't I get that happiness now?

Monday, May 2, 2011

Today I'll See The Sun

Today, I woke up feeling light and easy. I feel so ok. Like I can move on and conquer the world. Well, from this day on, I will post reasons why being single is good and you can check it out on my Facebook profile! Yay! Anyway, I feel really happy that I have already let go of the relationship I've been holding on for a long time. It's not worth it. I realized that. So I'm gonna stop trying to save it and instead, I'll save myself for further heartaches. :-)

ILML.

Single's Night Out








Totally loved the Single's Night Out with Kath, Louella and Greg at Republiq. Love you girls! <3 ( April 30, 2011 )

Sunday, May 1, 2011

The Most Painful Thing

I woke up today, crying... After a long time, since my dad died, this is just the second time in my life that I woke up crying. I am in pain that even anesthesia can't take away. The pain in my chest is hard to describe. It's heavy. It hurts every now and then. I want to see a doctor but I don't know which doctor because really, the pain in my chest is because of a heartbreak. No word can describe how I'm feeling and no words of comfort can take it away...

For 1 year and 11 months, there's just one person that I loved being with. Spending quiet afternoons, sharing important occasions in my life... But now, the person is no longer mine. the man I imagined i would spend my life with... And yes, i am crying as I create this post. i wanna let it out but hence, when i sent him a message, he replied twice and here i am again, waiting if he'll ever send me another message. I just can't believe he could throw away what we had just like that for the reason that he can't see himself ever getting into a lifetime committment with anybody. I felt like throwing up when I heard about it from him because really, I have already set my mind that Mark Christopher Medina/ Dorion would be the man I would grow old with despite the challenges we are facing right now. I am a fighter and I fight for what's gonna make me happy... But now, I don't know whether to fight for it or let go... I am in pain and I'll say this over and over again until the pain disappears gradually.

I've been trying to divert my attention, textmates, night out with friends, gym, self-pampering, work... But still the vacant hours when I'm not doing a thing leaves me reminiscing and thinking about what could have been if we were ok today. Even i can't escape in my sleep because when I sleep, I dream of him leaving in different scenarios and I just find myself awaken by my tears... in the middle of my sleep.

There are so many unforgettable experiences I had with him.. the days when we were sweet and going strong and the painful ones that I regret. how i wish that we have recorded everything on video just so I can keep on watching it over and over and feel so much inlove but no.. It's all in my head and i can't get over it which makes me really sad because it's mixed up with the bad times when we argued.. fought over some things and became tactless... said some things we should've never said.

I don't know what to do anymore. I am tired. I feel lost. I wanna talk to God and ask for an explaination why this happened but then, who am i to question His will? I am trying to be strong but where do i get more strength when the person that inspires me has forgotten about me?

I wish things are just as easy as changing my profile pic... But no. it's a long and painful process. I don't know where or how to start.