Thursday, May 23, 2013

Happy Birthday To ME! (May 23)

So of course, I'm officially a mid-20's girl. WOOT! hahahahaha

In line with this, I'd like to say some things that I am thankful for which I guess, I forget to be thankful for everyday. I was talking to my Mom the other day and was asking her if she ever reached a point when she felt that it's tiring to live life. She was so surprised at my question and told me that everyday, people who are sick are praying for another day to live. Guess I wasn't too appreciative after all. Stress was taking its toll at me. I have to admit that lately, some factors contributed to the "loneliness". Life was imperfect. It always has been and I was seeing it clearly and forgetting that after all, I have lived this way and that I will continue to because that's how life is. I fail, I get hurt. But despite all those, everyday when I wake up, I am given a new hope to change my path. To take things with refreshed energy just because I can. Taking on life is never easy but who would have thought it's gonna be this hard? I have lost so many battles even though I never wanted to. I have given more than what was required of me only to realize that it wasn't enough. So I have questioned, what's there to live for after all?

But then of all things that I have noticed, I overlooked such wonderful things that make life worth living. A Family that cares and loves unconditionally. Friends that never left me behind despite the differences in so many things or the changes of locations and paths in life. The everyday opportunities that I was given to make a difference. Life. Is. Wonderful. And maybe, I forget it sometimes. Of all things, I forgot that life is wonderful. Where's little miss sunshine gone? Why should I be faking a laugh or a smile when I can be laughing in all honesty? I also forget that I am such a wonderful person. I tend to see my flaws more often than what my good qualities are. I can't cook but I appreciate every meal regardless of what it is. I can't make firm decisions but then I am very flexible to meet the needs of people that I need to satisfy. I always believe in goodness of people even if they lie to me or cheat me. I forgive over and over. I believe that people can and will always change so I don't take past mistakes against anyone. I give and give as much as I can or sometimes, even if I can't anymore because I do not value anything with price. I don't fear losing money or losing my job because I believe that I can live without it and I'd still be the same person. I was never afraid to go hungry or live in the streets because after all, other people survived that kind of life. I am wonderful after all. In fact, those little things about me are enough to make my life worth living. In fact, I have touched people's lives in countless ways that I never thought I would. In fact, I am actually thankful and always should be.

So today, as I celebrate my 25th year, I still do not understand why I am still here. Funny thought is that God can take away all that I have and all that I am but he still hasn't because maybe, I am yet to fulfill my purpose in life. I could get hit by a truck, I could die of some disease, I could fall off a building, but then it would be too easy for me. I would die without meaning and that was never His plan. And that maybe, all the disappointments and pain I have experienced are part of the plan. It's meant to be that way because if it wasn't, I wouldn't be taking the path that I should be taking.

Happy Birthday to me. Happy living. It is a wonderful life and I guess, I should always remember that. On my 25th year, I should continue to live, love and forgive. I should continue to have Faith. I should live this awesome life to the best that I could, as much as I can.

Friday, May 10, 2013


I never thought that I would feel this way. Not feeling so much but feeling it all.

I am, once again, stuck in a situation. Being with someone who is divorced/separated is something new to me. First of all, I am very much single. Never been married. Never had a kid. Initially, when some friends heard about this, the initial reaction was " You can do better than that ". But being the usual, open-minded person that I am, I just understand that some people cannot stay married. Not because that's how it is but because they are humans who feel and are always in constant search for happiness. I'm one of them, although not married, no kids, but I am in search of happiness and I will never stay in an unhappy marriage or relationship just because I know I don't deserve to.

So, this man... Simply amazing that I am not getting too emotional about the situation like when he wants to see his son or his ex wife on Facebook now... It's like I totally understand. It's like I know how his kid feels or how his kid will react in case he meets me. Or how his ex will react to my existence. And I am not planning to be friends with her or anything like that which will just be unreal. But nevertheless, I find it weird that I look forward to having a coffee with her and talking about life before and after the man. And no, not really friends but I am looking forward to an unawkward situaiton when she brings her son to see the man. And that thought of the son also not feeling awkward that I am around. What is this? And I've been typing all these here. I might be judged for this. For being unholy in a sense that I want to be with this man. But then, I don't really care so much. Again, I want to be happy. I deserve to. And I did not break a marriage. They were separated before I came in the picture, at least that is what I know.

Should I investigate? Should I ask around? No. I do not think so. Just because I have faith. Not with him or me or us. I have faith that God is putting me in a situation which will lead me to my destiny. The path he wanted me to take. Whatever my decisions in life are, what's meant for me will always happen. All I can do is pray and pray that even if I get hurt, I will remain strong. That even if I fail, I will get back up and try again. Love again.

And this blogpost, I put the title EVERYTHING because while I am writing this, I am listening to Michael Buble's song with the same title and it runs in my head as well, that this is everything I am. Unconventional. Real. And I will write about this and still stand proud. It's not a perfect situation. But yes, happiness--to me is EVERYTHING.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

In Preparation For My Upcoming 25th Birthday

25 Things I Am Still Learning At 25
APR. 30, 2013 
1. The things you think will kill you, in fact, probably won’t.
2. The things you think won’t kill you, just might. And if they don’t come in for the kill, they will at least come in for a surprise attack.
3. People will change. And they will change their minds, change their minds and change their minds again.
4. You will change. And you will change your mind, change your mind and change your mind again.
5. You must do a lot of things in life that you don’t want to do. Consider these to be character building exercises, suck it up, and do them.
6. You don’t have to do these things forever and as soon as you have an escape route mapped out, take it.
7. Keep your escape routes near and dear. Don’t share them too often, or too soon. Not until it’s time.
8. The longer you stay in the fight, the more battle wounds you are likely to endure. Never bow out. Never stop fighting for what you believe in.
9. You are more like your parents than you ever thought was possible. Embrace every strength and every weakness. There is still much to learn from them. Soak up as much as you can, while you can.
10. The world may be your oyster, but watch out because it’s everyone else’s oyster too. It is one giant competitive and relentless oyster. Keep your eyes peeled and your head on a swivel.
11. There’s no perfect path for your life that you have yet to uncover. You simply must “do you.” This takes endless sacrifice and a hell of a lot of heart.
12. Sometimes you have to lose the things you care about along the way. This may only be for a season.
13. Sometimes you will lose yourself. Just don’t lose yourself for too long.
14. Most answers don’t come easy. Some answers don’t come at all.
15. It’s okay to question everything. Having more questions than answers means you are being honest with yourself.
16. Honesty is the first step toward anything that is worth everything.
17. Many times the idea of something is entirely more appealing than the actual, even though that grass is looking mighty green over there.
18. Not only is it okay to be selfish when it comes to your own wellbeing, being selfish is vital when it comes to your own wellbeing.
19. No amount of money in the world is worth more than being true to yourself. If someone tries to tell you any differently, then as Florence Welch says, “Run fast.”
20. It’s okay to run. Just be sure you are running into the light, and that the light is not a train.
21. It’s okay to stay and face your problems. Just don’t stay so long that you forget how to get up and go again.
22. Although sometimes you may feel comfortable and secure, comfort and security are merely mirages. There is no artificial safety net waiting to catch you when you fall. It’s all you kid!
23. The greatest lessons in life are only learned the hard way.
24. The greatest things in life are still found for free. You just have to look.
25. Life is not a race. Keep a steady pace so you won’t miss out on the magnificent beauty that is waiting for you around each and every corner. 

So, today I received my sister's omiyage for me and my Mom via her friend from work. I was very excited! Well, since she won't be home when I leave for Tokyo, she decided to send me the bag she wanted to give me just so I can already use it in Tokyo. I was very touched but of course, I wasn't really expecting a gift. How I wish she could be here so we can at least bond before we go our separate ways again and manage our own lives. If I am right, the next time I will see her will be next year which will be the longest time we haven't seen each other in our 20+ years of existence. But of course I understand that this is part of growing up. No matter where the opportunities or the world takes us, we will always and forever be a family.

Keychains from Barbados, Argentina and Puerto Rico

Kenneth Cole Purse

Pink Havaianas for Mom
Nine West Purse for Mom

My Havaianas

Friday, May 3, 2013

Repeat (Jessie J and David Guetta)

(feat. Jessie J)

You're stuck on repeat, repeat-peat, repeat
You're stuck on repeat, repeat-peat, repeat

I can see your mouth move
But I don't hear the words
And while you dig yourself a hole
You're burying me in the blur
I can taste the fake, the shame
I've heard this story before
And while you dig yourself a hole
It's the same shit, different girl

When I was building a home, you made a bed of your own, a perfect little life for three
But now your cover is blown, you get to be on your own, and find another stupid girl like me

So go out and party, cause I'm just getting started
And I'm dancing to a brand new beat
Cause you're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat
You're just stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat

So go out and party, like you're not broken-hearted
Cause you'll always just be stuck on repeat
Cause you're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat
You're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat

I wanna know, was I the one
Or just the chick on the side?
I gave it all, broke down my walls
You dare say I didn't try
But you won't stop, stop telling me what, what you think I want to know
I'm rejecting the sight of you, deleting the thought of you record this, and watch me go

When I was building a home, you made a bed of your own, a perfect little life of three
But now your cover is blown, you get to be on your own, and find another stupid girl like me

So go out and party, cause I'm just getting started
And I'm dancing to a brand new beat
Cause you're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat
You're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat

So go out and party, like you're not broken-hearted
Cause you'll always just be stuck on repeat
Cause you're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat
You're stuck on repeat, repeat, repeat